Hi {{first_name | Community Member}},

Authors note: I've been struggling to write this article for the past few weeks. I thought I was writing about discipline, but I ended up writing about the questions we ask ourselves and how they can shape who we become. Writing this challenged many of my own assumptions, and I hope it gives you a different way of thinking about discipline. As always, I hope you can find something useful here.

We view discipline as a moral virtue, but that perspective limits how useful it can be as a tool for change. It is more powerful to view discipline as a type of feedback that reveals how aligned our actions are with the person we want to become.

We tend to admire disciplined people and judge ourselves when we fall short. But I think discipline is much more than just a virtue or a trait because it contains deeply insightful and actionable information about who we are. Having some perfectionist tendencies, I have had my own struggles with discipline. For me, the most challenging aspect of discipline has been learning how to respond when I can’t meet my impossible standards. My past default was to be overly hard on myself, which started to create a lot of resistance. I am hoping to help you adopt a different perspective that is helpful, rather than one that can create more stress and keeps that cycle going.

I have observed that some people are very hard on themselves when they don’t stick to their routines or break their discipline (myself included). This can be a source of stress and can stop us from making lasting changes. Enough disappointments can build up over time to the point it can feel pointless to keep trying. I find that reframing how we look at discipline is a helpful remedy.

Discipline gives us an honest view of the gap between who we aspire to be and the patterns we live in. When our actions consistently don’t align with what we say we value, it’s worth investigating why that is. We can say we value creativity, but if we never make time to create, our schedule tells a different story.

One of the issues is that we don’t see this feedback system for what it is. We treat breaks in discipline as moral failures, but it is much more helpful to feel that tension and investigate where we aren’t being true to ourselves.

We rarely think about the questions we're asking ourselves. But this is important because the quality of your questions determines the quality of your answers. High quality questions help you see your patterns and change them, but low quality questions often reinforce those patterns.

Here’s how it typically plays out. We naturally gravitate towards low quality questions, which are usually counterproductive. An example of a low quality question is “why am I so lazy?” A better question to ask yourself is “under what conditions do I consistently break discipline?” Rather than trying to force a different outcome by being hard on yourself, ask yourself questions that help you understand the conditions that are creating your current experience. Perhaps you’ll learn that whenever you go to sleep at 12:30 am, you never end up waking up at 6:00 am to go to the gym. Or on the days when you avoid screentime for the first hour of your day, you feel more relaxed and focused at work.  

Questions like "Why am I so lazy?" contain hidden assumptions that can slowly turn a temporary challenge into a fixed identity. That perspective leaves little room for growth and magnifies self-judgment. Without awareness, we default to asking the same questions in the same situations, reinforcing the same cycles. Interrupting that cycle with a better question creates space for a different answer. Better questions reveal patterns, and patterns can be changed.

To start to shift this, it is important to remember that no one is perfect. Perfection is an aspirational concept, but is not realistic. Use your image of perfection as a compass to show you the right direction, but don’t let it become the standard by which you judge yourself. The thing about life is that there is only the path ahead of us, but we never reach a destination. We keep pursuing a target that is beyond our ability to catch, so use the feedback of discipline to see if you are in alignment with who you want to be or not.

The goal is to become someone who can get back on your path when you step off, rather than being perfect and never breaking your discipline. Discipline isn't a verdict that tells you whether you are a good person or not. It is a mirror that shows you whether your current patterns are moving you toward the person you want to become or not. Breaks in discipline are not moral failures. They are opportunities to learn, adjust, and find your way back onto your path.

Reply back and let me know if you have ever thought about the questions you ask yourself.

With Joy,

-Dr. Josh

I also want to take this moment to remind you that our next Community Wellness Night is this Thursday, July 16th, focusing on meditation and mindfulness. I have found that we ask better questions and receive better answers when we can ask them in a relaxed, meditative state. This reduces unnecessary noise and tends to get to the root of things faster and easier.

In this workshop we will cover

·       What meditation actually is (and what it isn't)

·       Common barriers that keep people from starting

·       Simple techniques you can begin practicing right away

·       The many ways meditation can support your health and wellbeing

·       How to build a sustainable practice that fits into your life

We'll also spend time meditating together so you can experience the practice firsthand and leave feeling more confident beginning your own journey.

I'd love to have you join us. If you have someone you would like to invite, forward them this message. 

Community Wellness Nights are designed to help you better understand your body, develop practical skills for lifelong health, and build a stronger, healthier community.

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For additional insights on health and wellness, visit my YouTube channel, where I share educational videos to support your journey.

Disclaimer:
This email is for educational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider for personalized health decisions.